Yes, my vocab is that lacking.

The problem is with speaking on behalf on a group of people. Saying something which may not be entirely appropriate. My appropriate-dar (like my gay-dar and direction-dar) is severly underperforming. (no bonus for u internal radars!). I belong to the “you ask me to blog so I blog lor”. Much in the same rambly, off the cuff way I’m doing here.

Talk never go through brain ah

Yah, pretty much.

Struggling with blog post… other pple blog no need to vett. When I blog need to send and vett 1st. Hais… feel so stupid but then again, as with all things online, once published cannot be retracted. No space for this rubbish spouter here ah. Accountability and anonymity, are they really such polarized issues? Same with rambly non jouno style writing and decently thought through points. Can’t they exist in the same blog post?

I think they can. My first para of the work blog entry describes how I got somewhere and adds in irrelevant details like how I am directionally challenged. Is that all so wrong to be mildly entertaining? Hais.. probably. But it’s just me… I can’t write unless it’s in this incredibiliy languid style. I think I better build up some sort of fan base and be a professional blogger la. Too bad I don’t do the pictures thing, cannot be a tomboy xiaxue ah. Have only clubbed in the past 6 mths, can’t be a party queen dawn yang-esq blogger either. Not a die-hard gamer or a politically sound activist.

Nope, no more niches for me to grow in. You think I can be glorified for my nonsense writing?

Nah, I’m no longer still thinking that way but not being able to speak out all the time is hard for me sometimes.

The bimbs and I have launched an elaborate plan to spend at least a year living together before we all get married or what not. I’ve always lamented how sad it was that the cost of housing in Singapore does not allow for singles to live on their own. We move from our parents’ home to living with our spouses. No time to figure out this living alone thing. After hatching this scheme at 2am in the morning over skype, the other 2 went on to search for places for rent. Needless to say they are all incredulously expensive. Big bimb (the oldest and most bimb-like) then lifted up our droopy hopes by suggesting that we can rent from her parents who have 2 apartments. At discount la…
OMG….

And so we are still talking and scheming like this might actually happen. It might, it might not but it would have to wait 2 more years till the big bimb is back from her studies.

But I like this talking and dreaming. It’s not that I hate living with my parents but this is an experience that not many would have the chance to experience. I really hope it would work. It would also give us a chance to try not to kill each other.

Great Tolerance I will learn yes.

I have a cold and I’m leaving for bangkok in 33 hrs…

My nose has 30 hrs to run out of stamina and STOP RUNNING

*sniffle*

Nothing till friday when I woke up feeling dead, took MC and literally slept the day away. Between yesterday and today I must have slept 20 hours. And I didn’t even wake up with that groggy ‘I want too die because I slept too much’ feeling that I usually get if I take naps. This illness is evil…

Finding food which is good for my throat but palatable at the same time is seriously damn difficult. I’ve eaten fishball soup macaroni, sliced fish soup with rice, porridge aaaaand a CALIFORNIA HANDROLL.

I maintain that the handroll is permissible under the ‘Persons with flu who cannot for the life of them taste anything’ guidelines. And that handroll (consumed for dinner on terrible thursday) made my miserable day all better with its fresh, lightly vinegared short grained rice, cold and freshish crab stick, buttery velvet avocado, crunchy cucumber and mildly sweet tamago egg.

Delish!

The fact that it came from my favouritest jap chain of all time made it all the better!

I am having this thing for iciban boshi (and ichiban sushi, it’s heartland (less glam) sibling). I maintain that the food there is fresher, nicer and more value for money as compared to sakae sushi (not as fresh, boring spread) and sushi teh (there is nothing i like there and it’s fricking ex for the amt of food). Almost everytime I’m there I have to eat their ichiban don, the salmon sashimi rice bowl, drizzled with sesame oil + other yummy drippings, cut red chilli and spring onions.

My mouth is watering just thinking abt it. It’s the rice that makes it so yum! I love the blend of vinegar and deliciousness which is the rice and who can say no to salmon sashimi? (Unless you detest the feel of raw fish which unfortunately my stupid other half does).

Another must have is the crispy lobster salad roll. OMG…. it is sooo good. Whenever us 3 girls get together at ichiban boshi for stuffing our faces + yakking session, we usually end up eating at least 5 plates of this yumminess. They fry a log of seaweed wrapped rice and cut them up into slices. Then they add this amazing ‘lobster’ salad which is made of prawn, mayo, bits of roe and a dab of wasabi. Seriously omgwtfbbq.

I have no idea how an entry about nothing morphed into this food explosion. Maybe I’m just hungry after a week of healthy and bland. It’s my subconsious telling me that it wants jap food again though I had eaten there just last monday. Bad subsconsious!

I don’t know if I’m in denial or if I’m just awfully dense. When I went to visit my granny today, I almost blurted out, “ah gong leh?”. (Where’s/How’s grandfather) That would have opened a huge can of worms, not because my grandma would be distraught, she has dementia and in her instances of clarity, is actually taking it alot better than the rest of us. It would have been the faux pax of the century as my aunty, who was very close to my grandfather, was sitting next to me.

Maybe we all deal with loss differently. My friend penned a beautifully heartwrenching post about his loss. It left me in tears not so because he’s such a sexy wordsmith, but because his pure grief resonated within me. I didn’t show it much during the wake or after but I don’t know if I have totally come to terms with it.

It’s funny how after the amazingly huge cry at the crematorium, after our tears have dried into crumpled balls of tissue in our clasped fists, we were able to troop back to the place where the wake was and have a meal together. This meal was like any other family gathering of ours, lots of laughter, gossiping, walking around poking fun at other people, carrying the babies and vying for their attention.

I haven’t cried since that day. I haven’t thought about him much except during mass when the priest reminds us to pray for the faithful departed. My dad and the rest of his siblings haven’t talked about my grandfather in a sad way. Christmas and CNY passed without tears, just a sign and a exclaimation of how it’s our first <insert occasion> my grandfather isn’t around.

— Everything above this line was written last evening —-

Maybe because of what I wrote last night (and didn’t publish) and this article which sounds like bogus nonsense, I dreamt of my grandfather last night. My immediate family and I were on our way to the cemetary (which is odd since he was cremated) to visit him and my brother got a phone call on his hp. It was my grandfather who told us that he was ok and filled us in on his life. None of us found it very odd as we turned the car around and gave him directions to the restaurant where we would be meeting the rest of the extended family for dinner to celebrate something or other (with 50+ people in the family, SOMEONE is always having a birthday).

Maybe it’s his way of assuring me in my dreams that he’s alright, that it’s ok not to feel alot. That I shouldn’t feel guilty that I don’t miss him more. I am happy for him in a very twisted way. He was so mobile and strong in the past, my grandfather of my childhood. Illness made him so dependant on others to do basic things and that physical pain was probably not as bad as the mental pain of being accused of having done many horrible things by the dementia plaguing my grandmother. Death took all this pain away, though it also took away my chance of having my healthy happy grandparents witness the next milestones of my life. My children will never know how wonderful their mom’s grandfather was. How he would get into a cab with my grandma, ladden with goodies, and surprise me at my place during school holidays. They will never see how much he loves them.

I’ve finally configured my work computer to have 2 different profiles for firefox. A work profile with all my work related bookmarks, extensions, etc. And a personal profile with my bookmarks from my home computer. Yay! I now have my treasure trove of links to nonsensical stuff which only I can seem to appreciate. It’s gonna be damn useful especially when I’m telling my colleague about this webby I often visit but can’t for the life of me remember the:

• url
• name of the website
• any other distinguishing marks apart from the layout

Yes I am useless that way.

So… this nice pretty segmentation of personal life (the kooky person which is me) and my work life (which is so not me) is complete. YAY!

On a not entirely seperate note, I installed this extension ‘Scribefire‘ on another comp with the same Firefox version (2.0.0.13) as my home comp. Works fine. Tried to install it on my home comp last night and was told that it is not compatiable with that version of Firefox. Getting increasingly frustrated at it because it doesn’t bloody make sense. It’s binary right, this whole computer thing. 1 - yes, 0 - no. How can it not work on one comp and work on another?

Scribefire works now! For some reason yesterday was an off day and today it miraculously appears!

Today however sees the dawn of another Internet issue. Reading xiaxue is kind of a guilty pleasure of mine. She’s got lots of pics up, an interesting way to writing things and companies approach her to do advertorials for goodness sakes. She is also a pink loving cussing bimbo which, I suspect, is a personality I am habouring inside (or displaying outside depending on who you speak to). Anyway, guilty pleasures aside, for some reason, the pictures on her blog don’t load on my comp. All I’m seeing is a small little box where the photo was.

MIND-BOGGLING

Apparently I had uploaded pics on flickr (i seriously don’t remember) and my friendster acct is there for all to see. Luckily it’s a nice pic up, taken under flattering light in my not-so-fat period of the fish soup diet. Anyhoo, surprisingly enough, this blog does not appear. No wonder nobody visits la, cannot find it also.

(No, it has never occurred to me that the lack of visitors might also be because of my lack of blogging.)

I have thought of starting to blog again but now that I’ve started work it gets a bit iffy. While NUS was unlikely to go kick me out because of a blog entry unless I venture into defamation or what shit, I think my employers would have reason to monitor these things and sack me (at best) or sue me (at worst). No money.. don’t sue.

That brings us to a stalemate as (like most employed minons can tell you) there is no life beyond work. Dispel the idea that the money you get every month will pay for an exciting life. Sry to break it to you girlfriend but your life will revolve around nothing but work.

1. On a superfacial (and obvious) level, you can’t pon work like you could pon class. It’s just not done.

2. Even if you have the time to meet friends after work (if you don’t need to OT) you might not always have the energy. Plodding around in heels while shopping with the girls after a mind numbing day of emails is damn tiring. Old liao la…

3. Even if you have the time and the energy, the number of friends you would have accumulated over the years (At least 5 groups - pri, sec sch, jc, uni, poly, misc) would allow you to meet each group at most once a week (and that is nonwithstanding the other factors outlined above). You would spend most of the time giving updates which usually revolve around work (that bitch which totally made your day a living hell), and reminiscing about the past - when life was much better but so under appreciated by your past younger foolish selves. All this talk is necessary to upkeep the relationship just so that you guys don’t drift apart.

BUT, for those among you who have the energy, time, equally energetic and free friends who all share the same ZEST for an EXCITING and ADVENTUROUS life. Then good for you. You do not belong in MY group of lazy cynicism. My blog entries would probably depress you and serve as a potion to turn you into a cynical minion of the larger global workforce. Shoo! SHOO!! Run now while you still can and frolic around where there are green meadows and rainbows shooting out of the asses of unicorns.

*Disclaimer: The utter rubbish above is why I don’t blog often. I have nothing to say.

It’s my fricking short term memory!

I grew up consuming copious amounts of tv. Eating lunch? TV’s on with either the snow white, little mermaid or teenage mutant ninja turtles video playing. After lunch? Rush through homework so I can watch My little pony, transformers, mask riders (on rtm 4 no less), oshin (apparently i’m an aunty cuz only aunties watch this..), asi mat yoyo (trilingual leh) and watever channel 8 was showing at 7pm. And that was with 3 free to air channels, 2 malaysian channels and a vcr at my disposal. Now, even with 30+ channels at my disposal I can’t watch more than 2 hours of tv without feeling like my head is gg to explode. This is from a girl who can spend (and probably has spent) more than 20 hours in front of a computer terminal without so much as a twinge in that space where her brain is supposed to rest.
Help… i’m turning into a young person. A young person who is starting to feel the ache in her bones…

This is pretty much how an average day of unemployment goes:

Every morning I get up at some unholy hour in the late morning, boot up my pretty computer, do the morning pleasantries of brushing my teeth and what have you. Hang out the laundry to dry.
I log on msn and gmail, check my emails. Look for job vacancies on those job search sites. Apply for said vacancies. Surf. Fiddle with facebook. Surf. Load my daily dose of comics, techie sites, gossip sites and girly stuff sites. Surf.
Grab lunch if I remember.

Surf. Remember some tv series I have not watched in a while. Look for it on alluc.org. Fire up a couple of windows to let the videos stream. Surf while waiting. Curse and swear because its taking forever to stream. Look on yahoo auctions to see if anyone is selling divx dvds of the entire season/series for cheap.

Dad/ mom calls about dinner. Decide what I wanna eat. Remember I have chores to do. Rush to do them before parentals come home and screaming ensues. Feed the dog. Take a bath and emerge nice and sparkly in time to greet parents and wolf down dinner.

Go back in front of the com. Curse and swear somemore because what looks like it has streamed completely is FAULTY and had only streamed 10 mins before stopping. Chat with my friends about the dismal job situation. Look through resume for the millionth time. Check emails again. Surf for job vacancies again. Apply for more jobs. Arrange to stop bumming around with similarly bummy friends. Skype with besties which are IN sydney when I’m here trying to get employed. Get called out at some late hour by kooky cousin for teh si supper.

Sleep. Rinse. Repeat.
So exciting hor…

Went to HK with eww, nev, boo and mil 2 weeks ago. Will relive my trip in its technicoloured glory when I feel like it and when mr nah decides to pass us his photos!